Just a Phase

Seventeen was fun- being seventeen I mean. That's the time for heart breaks, stars and sunshines. Wearing eyeshadow that's supposed to match the baby doll dress you're wearing when you're out on a date or just simply hanging out with your girlfriends for "uber-kikay" bonding moments. Going out on gimmicks and going home at the wee hours of the morning- happy hour. You get to meet a lot of the great guys, that won't make sense once you get to know them after a week or two. Singing KTV at a girlfriend's house when you have finally gotten over a really, really sad break-up and barfing the whole pint of Haagen Daz butterpecan when you actually realize that you don't get fat...you can't get fat, even if you tried really hard. Maybe trying to hard isn't such a big deal after all. Nobody would actually care what you're wearing because, you blend in. You're just ordinary. For some guys, you'll always be that retarded loser who prefers coffee-based over cream-based coffee because you get hyper all the time. I think I'd rather stay seventeen than accept the responsibility of taking control of my life.

Well, being eighteen isn't that bad. It's just sad that I used to have a lot of the good stuff going and suddenly, you feel like you're really, really old. Next year I'll be nineteen. Hopefully by then, I wouldn't think of marrying or jumping off a cliff or something. During that night of my birthday, 21st of September, I realized a lot of things that didn't make sense in my life. I've tried to think about the endless possibilities, the what-ifs and the have-nots that would actually happen if I didn't live my life accordingly. I guess there are some things that do bother me a lot like not meeting the perfect guy. Whats is perfect? I really don't know. Marcus and Avi mentioned that I always bump into the not quite perfect guys that are semi-okay but are somewhat 'sablay'. Termed by Marc meaning just not right for me..Well, who would?? She might as well be the next Joe D' Mango. Or maybe I am high-maintenance like what Chris told me. Sigh. I wouldn't wanna go into that. Maybe there is a Mr. Right. For now, I don't think he exists. Not today I guess...